Suck it up!

After several more months of “trying” on our own and a couple handfuls of negative home pregnancy tests (Yes, I was too impatient to wait each month…don’t judge me). Getting pregnant seemed to happen so quickly and easily the first time, so what was the hold up now?  We decided to reach back out to our OB for some advice. He suggested we try some oral fertility medications and surely that would do the trick. So we experimented one month with a drug called Femara…no dice.  The next month with a drug called Clomid which proved to me that hot flashes are in fact completely real, not something my mother has made up over the years to justify pumping the AC up in the dead of winter (Sorry for doubting you Mom. J) But unfortunately still no pregnancy.  The doc did some additional blood tests on me and some tests on Chad. The OB speculated that I might have something called polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS). The easiest way to explain it is that it’s a hormonal imbalance that can potentially create complexity with fertility.  Even though physically I didn’t quite fit the typical PCOS criteria on paper I seemed to match up.  But no biggie many women have PCOS and go on to have lots of healthy babies.  Our OB suggested we head to an expert aka a reproductive endocrinologist (sounds fancy I know).  So we ventured off to meet our new friends at Toledo hospital. Our RE was terrific! We did some additional testing with him and again everything came back all in the “normal” ranges. So he started us on a fertility plan with a combination of oral meds & injections for a week or so each month followed by a series of ultra sounds to check our progress. Now for those of you who know me you’re probably laughing right because you know I’ve always been the girl that would pass out even thinking about giving blood or getting a shot.  I must admit I did have a few crying spells and a few days where I completely psyched myself out with the needles. Chad would always come in the bathroom, make me laugh and give me a pep talk (and by pep talk I mean like the locker room speech right before the big game kind of pep talk). I still laugh remembering how animated he was giving them. But the thing that really gave me the strength to endure this needle filled routine month after month was my commitment to reading the bible daily, listening to a Christian music station called K-LOVE every time I was in my car, volunteering at the children’s ministry at church on the weekends and the bible study group I joined at work. The more I studied the word the more I realized that if Jesus could suffer the unspeakable agony, humiliation, torture and crucifixion to redeem me, then I clearly had absolutely ZERO right to whine about a little poke in the tummy a few times a month. What was I thinking? I needed to suck it up and I did. I prayed like crazy for God to give the doctors wisdom and Chad & I strength to endure this journey.  Especially since I've heard what a strain fertility plans can be on marriages and we are still technically newlyweds. But no worries this is sure to be short temporary thing...right?  

So first things first...

What’s behind the name of my blog? When you look up “picket fence” on Wikipedia this is what you’ll find…”A picket fence, ideally white, is seen by some as a symbol of the ideal middle-class suburban life, with a family and children, large house and peaceful living”. I was never one of those little girls that spent time dreaming of my wedding day or naming my unborn children. I just naturally assumed it would all fall into place. I’d eventually get my house with the “coveted “white picket fence and a lovely family that would reside in said house. Well in 2009 I got my first dose of reality. Chad and I were married for about 6 months before we started to “try” to have children. We started in May and by July I was pregnant! It was almost too easy. Unfortunately it was short lived, as the last week of September we miscarried. We were devastated. There was no explanation the doctor could offer us. He told us how common this was and encouraged us to keep trying again once my body fully recovered. Thankfully a few months prior Chad and I had begun attending church together and were embarking on our newfound relationship with God. I remember the memory verse that month was so fitting to our situation. It was Matthew 7:7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you”.  We gained peace through each other, our family, friends and prayer.  Within a month or so our broken hearts were mended (not completely fixed but mended) and we were ready to try again.