Surprise

By July of 2011 we’d been seeing our RE for over a year. Throughout that time I’d become more open to sharing the details about our endeavor with a select few. At first it was difficult because I couldn’t help be feeling like I was failing as a wife (yes I know that’s crazy but I’m just being honest that’s how I felt). But Chad and I both agreed that despite the fact that it was a very personal situation we wanted to share our story in hopes to help others in similar circumstances. It was so inronic how I would cross paths with other women (some were even friends from years back) that were also struggling with fertility challenges. I found comfort in sharing our story and describing how it was a catalyst to defining our faith and spiritual growth. I hoped others would find a similar opportunity to open their hearts to the Lord. I shared scriptures, some of my favorite Christian music and Christian books that brought me hope with the other women. It became my own personal mission field where I felt God was calling me to serve others in. One thing I noticed was that it was really difficult to feel sorry for myself when serving others. It just had a way of putting things into perspective.  In July we had started another cycle of fertility and I headed to an ultrasound to check my progress. To my surprise this was no ordinary visit. The RE told me that the ultrasound revealed the long awaited blessing…we were pregnant!!! The added shock was that we weren’t just a couple weeks pregnant; we were actually about 8 weeks along! The doctor pointed to three black spots on the monitor and informed me that it looked like we actually had originally been pregnant with triplets but had lost two of them in the weeks prior (which explained what I thought was my June cycle).  My heart sank with disappointment upon hearing the news but was quickly renewed with excitement and hope when I saw the flicker of the tiny little heartbeat of the one baby that was left! Praise God! His word is always true.  Genesis 1:28 “Then God blessed them and said, "Be fruitful and multiply”.

Ready when you are God...

Month after month we settled into a routine of meds, shots and ultrasounds. Some months we had too many eggs and we’d have to call off the cycle (too risky for multiples & complications).That was always extremely disappointing and frustrating. Other months our conditions seemed to be ideal but still no babies.  All the while I clung to that fact that I knew there had to be a reason behind all of this. The more time passed the more I noticed that through this difficult time God was becoming a more focused part of our lives.  Upon a more thorough investigation not only was God hugely influencing our daily lives but it was also apparent that He was having an amazing impact on our immediate family & friends. It was/is truly remarkable how God can transform us! Chad and I had extensive discussion on how different our life was compared to just a year or two ago before we started having this intimate relationship with Christ. The simple fact was we were each growing spiritually and it was making us better spouses, friends, son/daughter, brothers/sisters and one day parents. And I guess you could say that was my “Ah ha” moment. It made sense that God wanted to take more time preparing us before we started our family. Now don’t get me wrong these months were not all roses and sunshine. Especially since it seemed that everyone around us were having babies. We were of course genuinely happy for others but I occasionally couldn’t help throwing myself a pity party here and there. No doubt there were some dark days. But as time went on the pity parties were shorter and shorter in length.  I became thankful for the time to grow spiritually and strengthen our marriage, but was still eager to start our parenting journey. So often my prayers consisted of me thanking God but reminding him that we “get it now” and “are ready”.  As if I needed to remind him of anything…LOL. Clearly I still had a lot to learn about patience & God’s perfect timing.  Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope”.