Letting go

I’ve heard about how demanding the IVF schedule can be. And we quickly found out first hand. When I received my box of meds it was crazy the amount of needles, syringes, pills and liquids. We also had this lovely calendar to help us keep the injection/pill routine straight. Despite the hectic schedule of shots, pills, trips to U of M for blood work, ultrasounds, and mock transfers we had such a sense of peace through it all. It’s hard to explain. I began to wonder if this was really God’s plan for us all along but maybe we just didn’t recognize it before.  See when we first started the fertility treatments in Toledo IVF was always an option but our doctor had said that he didn’t think we needed it. To be honest I don’t think we ever really questioned it because doing the other treatments kept things more in our control and it wasn’t as big of a financial investment upfront. So really I once again was trying to go with my plan of how I felt things should go in our life. Speaking of finances we actually didn’t have enough money for IVF the month prior. I had just started tithing at church and vowed that I would continue even if it meant postponing IVF but of course just in perfect time God gave us the resources we needed.  I was rewarded with a bonus/increase from work and so was Chad.  Going with IVF was forcing us to let go of control, finances and allowing us to really go all in. All we could do was pray and trust that no matter what the outcome was that God would get us through it. Now don’t get me wrong there were moments when fear would creep in or I’d start to feel sorry for myself looking at all the bruises from the injections. But those thoughts were quickly replaced with thankfulness. Thankfulness of having this opportunity and hope for a healthy baby. The fact is there are lots of people that struggle with unexplained infertility and don’t have these options. I believe that God has a plan for each of them just like He does for us and I pray that we all have the children we desire in our hearts. After all God placed those desires there to begin with. Psalms 37:4 “Take delight in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart”.