Highs and Lows

Chad and I told our immediate family and a few close friends and we all celebrated! It was finally happening and it was awesome! By 10 weeks I was having trouble fitting into my regular clothes so my mom and I hit the stores to create my new pregnancy wardrobe. Within the next few weeks even though we weren’t necessary “going public” with our terrific news it was becoming increasing obvious by my growing belly that I was pregnant. So news began to spread and we of course embraced it. By the 15^th week or so our friends were congratulating us on facebook so it quickly became public knowledge. That same week in September I had to travel to Las Vegas for a conference for work so Chad joined me. I must admit I was nervous to fly even though everyone says flying while pregnant is perfectly safe. About a week after our return we had our 16 week visit. The day before I was schedule while I was at work I noticed I was spotting a little. I didn’t panic because I knew that sometimes this happens and ladies go on to have perfectly healthy babies. I called my OB and they wanted to see me for an ultrasound to make sure everything was alright. So I headed over to the hospital. The ultrasound tech went to work and told me that should couldn’t really share any information with me due to policy and that the doctor would be providing me an update. Well within minutes my doctor entered the ultrasound room with dreaded news. They couldn’t find a heartbeat. As soon as I heard those words my eyes welled up with tears and I went into a world of shock and a barrage of emotions overcame me. I was devastated, angry, confused and in disbelief that this was happening again (literally a year ago to the day). The thought of telling Chad and ultimately breaking his heart took my breath away. I was officially numb. The only thing I could thing I could do was question how God could let this happen.